Reasons Why The English Language is hard to Learn (for those who need a laugh)

This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave. It was passed down by a linguist, original author unknown. And I thought I should share it with you.Peruse at your leisure, English lovers. Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1. The bandage was wound around the wound

2. The farm was used to produce produce

3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse

4. We must polish the Polish furniture

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert

7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present

8. A bass was painted on the head of a bass drum

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes

10. I did not objects to the objects

11.The insurance was invalid for the invalid

12. THere was a row among the oarsmen about how to row

13. They were too close to the door to close it

14. The buck does funny things when the does are present

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down the sewer

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail

18. After a number of injections, my jaw got number

19. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests

20. Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.

Let's face it- English is a very crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England nor French Fries in France, Sweet meats are candies, while sweet breads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore it's paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and guineapigs are neither pigs, nor from Guinea. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese? One index, two indicies? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends, but not amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegatarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all English speakers should be committed to an assylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat change be the same thing, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by flling it out and in which and allarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible....