gfox5 / Stories / Chapter One - Lockwood Pointe
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Thank you for taking time to read my story. enjoy!

Thank you for taking time to read my story. enjoy! PROLOGUE:

The crisp night wind whipped my dark hair around as I stood on the edge of the cliff. I looked down at the water way below me. It crashed and churned around the jagged rocks. I closed my eyes, leaned forward, and let myself fall. CHAPTER ONE -LOCKWOOD POINTE

"Rise and shine," came a cheerful voice, and suddenly there was bright light streaming into my bedroom.
"Come on mom, five more minutes," I grumbled, pulling the covers over my head.
"It is almost eleven, Susannah," mother replied. "We are leaving for Lockwood in two hours and you have not even started packing yet." She waited as I slowly crawled out of bed. She refused to leave my room until I assured her I would start packing. When she left I grabbed my suitcase and started pack. An hour and a half later I was packed, showered, and ready to go. I always enjoyed the three hour drive to Lockwood. It was almost entirely coastine roads. When we got to our summer home the first thing I did was run around to the back. "Don't be long Susannah." Father called after me, "there are things to be unpacked"
Our house backed right up to the beach. The warm sand felt heavenly on my bare feet, as I stood staring out at the ocean. In the distance I could see Hunter Manor sitting atop Lockwood Pointe, looking magnificant. The old abandoned victorian home was one of my favorite places to visit. Every summer I would ride my bike up to it, and just sit on the porch swing day dreaming. I let my mind wander about what it would have been like to have lived in that century. To have worn those beautiful gowns, and danced at those wonderful Balls. "Come on Susannah," father called out the back door. I tore myself out of my day dreams and wandered back to the car. I lugged my suitcases up the porch steps.
"I'll carry those up to your room for you, just go get the rest of the food please," father said, taking my luggage. When everything was unpacked and we had eaten, I decided to go for a bike ride. I followed the familiar path up to Lockwood Pointe. Hunter Manor looked even more amazing up close. Though the Manor had been abandoned for years, it remainded in excellent condition. As if time had stopped and preserved it just as it had been in 1985. I wandered around the back. What once was an elegant garden, was now nothing but a large, empty field. At the edge of the field was a cliff. I walked to the edge, and looked down. Below me waves crashed against the base of the cliff. All of a sudden a strong gust of wind shoved me from behind. Unable to regain my balance I tumbled over the edge. As the water rused up at me I lost consciousness. This concludes the first chapter in my story. Sorry if it was a little short. I will definitely make the next one longer. Please sign my GB and let me know if you like it. Any and all constructive critisism is welcome. If ya liked it rate it...and if ya didn't still feel free to rate it ;) Thanks!

Chapter One - Lockwood Pointe

Mar 30, 2007 by gfox5
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    32 Comment(s) posted so far

    On Mar 30, 2007 drewsoltesz wrote:

    Your writing is very good, your words flow nicely, screenshots are fine..yes it is short, maybe a little too short to pull your readers in, you did fine for a first effort...keep writing!\:\)

    On Mar 30, 2007 wrote:

    Nice Story. It Was 'Short But Sweet' Well Done You Did A Good Job!\:rah\:

    On Mar 30, 2007 VEPerfect wrote:

    i liked it!
    short though \:\(

    On Mar 30, 2007 wrote:

    That was really good. I know how it feels to move away and I can realte to this story. I'll keep reading and commenting. My only advise is to make the next chapters longer, but you already know to do that, so you get a 4.5. Keep up the good work!

    On Mar 30, 2007 plushies_lovergg wrote:

    It was great. Just a little longer next time. Can't wait for the next part.

    On Mar 31, 2007 sandybvv wrote:

    very nice written, very good story line, it was really short, hope next chapter would be longer!! great story though!!! \:rah\:

    On Mar 31, 2007 md198 wrote:

    Great cliffhanger!\:D

    On Mar 31, 2007 lilqueennbri wrote:

    Great story.

    On Mar 31, 2007 wrote:

    Great job.

    On Mar 31, 2007 kingrupert6 wrote:

    SOO COOL REMINDS ME OF ERIC WILSON MYSTERIES\:rah\:

    On Mar 31, 2007 blueclarity25 wrote:

    Beautiful screenshots and writing! Good job!\:rah\:

    On Mar 31, 2007 cariadbach wrote:

    Great first time story, keep up the good work\:\)

    On Mar 31, 2007 MoriaG wrote:

    (¯`*?.¸(¯`*?.¸(¯`*?.¸ Great Story ¸.?*´¯)¸.?*´¯)¸.?*´¯)

    On Mar 31, 2007 MoriaG wrote:

    soo good!! much better then mine, cant wait to read the next chapter

    On Mar 31, 2007 simboy161 wrote:

    great\:D can't wait for part 2\:\)

    On Apr 1, 2007 eshuff wrote:

    very nice writing and some beautiful shots! good job!\:rah\:

    On Apr 1, 2007 wrote:

    Brilliant, cant rate it cause i don't know which is high or low, but, fantastic all the same

    On Apr 1, 2007 wrote:

    Excellent start 5.0

    On Apr 2, 2007 ggerloff wrote:

    Nice set-up...can't wait for the next chapter.

    On Apr 2, 2007 RIDance wrote:

    cool start

    On Apr 2, 2007 gfox5 wrote:

    ATTN: CHAPTER TWO-LOST IN TIME IS NOW OUT! rah: GO CHECK IT OUT!!: \:D

    On Apr 2, 2007 scarlet_white wrote:

    I am not sure what to say, I loved chapter 2 so I am not sure how to give independent criticism to chapter one, I think you are doing great

    On Apr 2, 2007 TheaDidia wrote:

    Great first part. It is well written, with enough to hook people into the second part (which I'm off to read now!) \:D

    On Apr 2, 2007 Lily Fairy2 wrote:

    Quite good if a bit confusing at the start, who is 'she?' is that her sister? Her mum? Who? Good story anyway!\:\)

    On Apr 3, 2007 Strawbz wrote:

    Its a good start to a story - can't wait for the next part \:\)

    On Apr 6, 2007 jerif wrote:

    \:D Excellent job, looking forward to the next chapter

    On Apr 12, 2007 Mistress Useless wrote:

    Sweet!

    On Apr 14, 2007 wrote:

    I saw chapter three and I decided to read chapter one and two first. Looks interesting so I'm gonna read the next one now. I rated 3.5

    On Jun 12, 2007 adelewen wrote:

    This is SUCH a good start to this story!

    On Sep 16, 2007 rhiamom wrote:

    Oh, such an interesting beginning! I like it so far...

    On Sep 16, 2007 emmy27 wrote:

    great start , i am looking forward to reading more \:rah\: \:D

    On Jun 19, 2008 ritakwolf wrote:

    \:rah\: Very god start\:cool\:

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