Bonsoir! That is, of course, French for "Good Evening". If it is not evening where you are, I suggest you wait until it is evening to read this! If it is evening where you are, Hello! You should all know that my name is Felicity Éclair. Some hag named Ethel accused me of being a husband stealer. I am not a husband stealer! I'm merely borrowing her husband!
"Ah, look what the Cat dragged in," I started. "Not just any Cat, a poor, filthy, wretched Cat. Who smells."
"Your sense of your humour is about as clever as you are!" Ethel replied.
"This isn't the time for compliments!"
"That wasn't a compliment..." "Anyway, where have you been? It's Midnight and you're not home. I take it you weren't clubbing?" I asked.
"Clubbing? What am I, 20?" Ethel spat.
"Shush! I wasn't clubbing. I was just doing a quick jog to Sunset Valley and back, and on the way I thought I might pop into the gym to swim a few hundred lengths. Then I passed the Martial Arts club, so I thought I might as well break some moon rocks. Then I ran to Twinbrook and back to burn off the Wheatgrass juice I'd just had."
"Martial Arts? Oh please, I bet I could roundhouse kick you to the moon!"
"Oh yeah? let's fight here right now!" Things didn't turn out so well.... The following day, my head felt like I had just had a bad date with Chuck Norris. I walked downstairs to find Albert sat happily on the Chaise. I needed to form a plan to humiliate Ethel! Albert's such a great listener, though he could just be sleeping without me knowing... "Albert, Darling! You know your disgusting estranged wife?" I purred.
"Ethel? What about her?" Albert croaked.
"She roundhouse kicked me in the head last night."
"Who is she, Chuck Norris?"
"I know, right? Anyway, I need to find a way to humiliate her. Do you think you can organise a party for me?" "Why?" he asked.
"Just do it! I'll handle the rest!" I begged.
"Great! Now, I need a disguise." An hour had passed, and I was in my disguise - a red wig and trousers. Nobody wears trousers anymore! The doorbell rang.
"Coming!" I shouted.
"Who is it?" Albert muttered.
"Well, seeing as you're pretty much half-dead, you need someone to care for you while I'm gone!"
"I think I can cope on my own for an hour!" Regardless, I answered the door.
"Hello, are you Ms Éclair?" the woman asked.
"Obviously!" I snapped.
"I'm Doctor Kara Weir. You say there's an old man that needs looking after?"
"He's in the back. Now, if you'll excuse me, there's an elderly woman who needs humiliating." I went to Ethel's apartment to personally deliver the invitation.
"Just a minute!" She cooed. "Can I help you?" Ethel asked.
"Well, you've been formally invited to, er, Prince Norris' Birthday party." I put on my best foreign accent.
"I don't know a Prince Norris. You may have got the wrong address."
"No, no! He wants to invite random people on the street to his ball!"
"Dear, I'm not exactly on the street, am I?"
"JUST TAKE THE INVITATION!" "Fine. But before you go, where are you from? I can't place your accent." Ethel asked.
"Um, I'm from.... Taiwandonesiamerica!"
"Right... I think I went there last year...."
"It's a very nice place!" I said, running out the door. Back home, an astonishing sight lay before me - Albert was playing the Piano! He wasn't anywhere near as pale as he was when I left. And he was playing the Piano! He'd never played an instrument in his life! This Doctor was amazing! "Doctor Weir, thank you ever so much! You're like a wizard!" I beamed.
"Oh, it was nothing! He should be completely better by now. I hope you and your father have a great day!"
"He's not my Father!" Once the Doctor had left, I took off my wig and got ready for the party. I look pretty good, as per usual! Albert promised he'd drive me to the venue. We got in the car and drove off. Ethel was going to get the humiliation of her life....
*To Be Continued*
The Gold Digger Part 2 - Felicity
Report this Story:
If you find a problem with this story or wish to report inappropriate content, click here