I just want to FYI everyone that there are probably only 2 chapters left after this one! (maybe three)
I whirled around, spilling the rest of the coffee on the floor with a gasp.
"Trigg?! What are you... how did you... oh God... did we?" My heart ran a million miles as the night before started defogging. "No... Trigg...I can't..." He pulled me into a kiss and for a moment i let him get away with it. Until i realized what he was doing to me. "No!" I gasped, pushing him away as tears started to stream down my face. "Trigg, this was a mistake! I didn't mean for this to happen..."
"Please," he begged, "don't regret this! I love you, Kayla."
"You used me! I was drunk, you should have known better!"
"You weren't drunk! Don't you dare blame this on the alcohol or on me! I told you we didn't have to and you told me it was ok!"
I started beating on his chest, trying to push him away. He grabbed me and held me tight and i couldn't help but feel safe and warm in his arms. Finally he let me go when i calmed down and stopped crying. "I think you should go..." I whispered.
"You've messed things up enough... If you stay I..." I started to cry again.
"I wont lose you again!"
"You have to!!" I shouted, "Please!! He'll be home tomorrow and if he finds out he'll hate me for the rest of my life!" "Who cares about him!! Come away with me! We can be happy on our own!"
"Trigger..." I looked down at the ground, "I care about him. I love him, I've loved for so long..."
"And what about me? You don't love me anymore?"
"No..." I lied.
He looked away from me, "You're lying to me."
I shook my head violently, trying to convince myself of the fact.
"Fine," he whispered and left. I spent the rest of the day in the bathtub, crying my eyes out. What had i done? I couldn't have made a bigger mistake in all my life. I'd screwed everything up! The one solid thing in my life and i had to mess it up.
For the first time in my life i wished i had my mother here with me. I don't know what comfort she'd have been, but at least she would be a familiar face.
I quickly abandoned that thought- i didn't really want her at all. I just needed a hug and a friend. I was so exhausted from all the thinking and crying than i fell asleep on the couch as soon as i got out of the shower. It was early next morning, about two hours before i had to get to work myself, that Jack walked in the front door. He gently woke me and asked me what was wrong when he saw how red my eyes were.
I immediately started crying.
"Oh God, what's wrong!" he ran to sit beside me.
"I... I just..." I couldn't bring myself to tell him. I had to tell him somehow, but right now i couldn't. "I was worried, that's all," i sniffed.
"Just about you being safe."
"What happened was just an accident- it wasn't an attack."
"oh... you didn't tell me that." He kissed me gently and my tears stopped.
"I'm alright," he laughed.
"I thought you wouldn't be home until tonight."
"I worked through nights to get done faster."
"You haven't slept?"
"Nope!" He beamed, "Although, admittedly, im regretting it a bit now."
"Well, i'll make you something to eat, then you can get to sleep while i go to work."
"Sounds good!" I heard him taking a shower while i was cooking in the kitchen. The poor guy, not sleeping for two days just to get home to me. Rotten old me. A few more tears fell and sizzled on the griddle.
I gave him his breakfast and headed to work.
"You're not gonna eat with me?"
"No... I'm going to head to work early, get a head start on the rolls."
He sat down and started eating, "See you after work then!"
"I think i might go out for a run afterward. So... i guess just call me if you want me to come home earlier than that or something."
"Ok, have fun!" I couldn't believe my luck at work. My boss was old and kind, but none of us expected his retirement. least of all, none of us expected who he was leaving the bakery to.
Me. My own bakery, my own place, something to call my own.
I wasn't as excited as I should have been about it, I know. I just felt so guilty about the other night, it was all i could think about. Every look that Jack had given me this morning made me want to throw up.
I ignored Jack's calls on my run. I needed to get this off my back. I needed to get all the stress out. I was a mistake, i didn't do it on purpose. Did I? When i finally gave it up and went home Jack was a little upset with me for not answering his calls.
"I'm sorry, I just need to get some stress off."
"From what? You were out all day, it's almost 8."
I didn't answer him.
"Look," he sighed, "i'm not trying to hog you, that's not what this is about. I want you to be free and all that, i just.. I ... I was worried is all."
"I got a promotion..." I blurted out.
"really?" his eyes lit up in an instant.
"Yeah. Johnson retired... gave me the bakery."
"That's great! How about we get a little wine and celebrate."
He kissed me, and so we did. the next two weeks went by rather quickly, except for the fact that i was starting to feel ill. It wouldn't go away either, i'd start throwing up and getting hot flashes and felling like i was going to pass out.
Jack tried to reassure me that it was just nerves about the wedding, but i knew better. I knew exactly what was going on. So, three days before the wedding- after Jack had left for work i went for a walk. I knew where i was going, and i know what was going to happen.
When i arrived at the doctors i asked the receptionist if they took walk-ins and she nodded, telling me to sit down and they'd let me know when to go back.
About 20 minutes later a nurse came out calling my name.
"Yep, you're pregnant." The doctor confirmed as he looked at his charts, "Congratulations!"
I nodded, trying to smile, said thanks and left. I didn't even make it home before i started crying again. What had i done to ruin my life like this. Jack and I were always so careful. Then again, i knew before i'd even walked into the doctors that it wasn't Jacks baby. How i knew, i don't know, i just did. We were both drunk and weren't paying attention. Now, i had to pay for it. As i walked across the grass to the front door i patted my belly.
"He doesn't have to find out it's not his..." i told myself, "I can keep it to myself, and then when i start to show..." I did dishes for the rest of the day, until Jack came home for movie night. Jack put his hand on my stomach a few times while we cuddled and i scared me to death that he might feel the baby kick. I knew that the baby didn't really have legs at this point too kick with, but i was in full panic mode. Every time Jack's hands neared my stomach i found a way to move them away. When the wedding day finally came, i felt on fire. As people started sitting down i noticed Trigg take a seat in the back. My stomach flipped, if i wasn't scared to death before... i wanted to throw up everything i'd eaten for the last three weeks. the ceremony started and i tried my hardest to keep a happy smile on my face. Jack looked so handsome and happy. The sprakle in his eyes almost washed away everything i was feeling. Until i heard him utter, "I do," and felt the ring slip onto my finger. "Do you, Kayla, take Jack Valont to be your husband?"
The Eighth of Life's Choices
Sep 10, 2009 by notespeller2
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