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Hopefully this is approved by Christmas and if it is, I would like to wish all my readers a fantastic Christmas! I hope you have a lovely day with family and friends and I hope Santa pays you a visit ;-) Thanks for all your support throughout this year and I look forward to a bright 2010 with you all!
Sam
Sam
Life and death. Two certainties in life yet polar opposites. One brought joy and celebration, the other mourning and sorrow. So what was one to do when experiencing both so close to the heart? Breathing in, I closed my eyes. The image which had slowly been burnt into my memory in recent weeks appeared without force; the first pictures of life growing inside me.
It was beautiful, the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Maybe I was biased but until it was experienced, no one could ever understand the miracle of new life. Not completely. This tiny foetus was barely nine weeks old and only just growing minuscule finger and toe nails, yet it had already imprinted deeply on my life and soul. It was the love child of Derek and I, the only thing I had left of him. I cried silently, letting the tears fall freely as I mourned both mine and my baby's loss. My fingers stroked my stomach where, in several months time, it would be protruding, stretching to make room for a rapidly growing baby.
I knew I had been sent this precious gift as an unspoken trade for Derek's life because it gave me the strength to go on, gave me the courage to keep fighting, when everything would have felt otherwise meaningless. What hurt most was knowing Derek had died unaware he would soon become a father. He had no idea there was a heart beating strongly that belonged to his first, and only, child. All because I wanted to wait until I had the pictures from my first ultrasound.
He would never feel the joy, the excitement, the elation, of impending parenthood. And worse, I would have no one to share it with. He would never shower my growing belly in loving kisses; he would never place a protective hand on my bump; I would never watch his expression as he felt the baby kick for the first time; I wouldn't have his hand to hold as I welcomed our child into the world. One thing I would have, though, is my mother. It had been six weeks since I had answered that call, six long weeks, and in that time my mother had been a constant.
I had collapsed into her arms and wept for hours after learning of Derek's accident, telling her everything. Without interruption she had listened, always holding me close, offering nothing but comfort and support. She was the first and only person I had told of my pregnancy. "Sweetheart? Are you ok?"
Her voice brought me back to the present, a constant reminder of the life I was still living.
I smiled weakly. "As good as I can be, I guess. Just thinking about things...things that were and things that could have been."
Without saying a word, my mother took a seat next to me and took my hand in hers. "You know," she said quietly, "nothing will make this easier for you. It's not meant to be easy and trust me, you wouldn't want it to be. That would only mean you didn't care." A pause. "You have a beautiful heart Charlotte, and a little bit of it has been torn away. There's no doubting it will heal in time but there will always be a scar and this you can look back upon when you're strong enough. All the memories, all the love, it will be there forever. I promise you." I studied her honest face. "Sometimes it hurts so much I have trouble breathing. Will it always hurt this much?"
"Oh, sweetheart," she replied. "I know. The pain will lessen but you will never forget. Instead, you will learn to remember Derek as he was, not how you felt when he was gone."
She gently wiped a stray tear as it slivered down my moist cheek. After my mother left me alone with my thoughts, I sat there for a long time. I wondered if her advice stemmed from her own experience. Specifically, losing Grace and I as a young mother. Something which would have surely scarred her unsuspecting heart.
It gave me hope to know that the pain would slowly ease, though. That one day I could think of Derek without pain coursing through me. I had thought Derek's sudden arrival into my life signaled a new beginning for me, a chance at having my own family. In some ways it had, I guess, just not in the way I expected. It would be so easy for me to focus on the little time we had known each other and how unfair it was, but honestly, I was just so thankful that I had been given the chance to be a part of his life at all. I was a better woman for knowing him, no matter how broken I felt at this moment.
One thing was for sure, our child would grow up knowing exactly who his or her's father was. They would know he had been gentle, thoughtful, passionate, kind and that he was almost certainly watching over them as a very proud father. Over the following months, I rarely ventured outside, preferring to stay in alone or with my mother. It was on one of these particular nights that we discussed the future.
"Mum, I've been thinking a lot about what I'm going to do once the baby's born," I said.
"Mmhmm." She wiped her hands and turned to face me. "And what have you decided?"
"I want to move away from here," I replied, confidently. "Somewhere we can start afresh." If my mother was surprised, she didn't show it. "Charlotte, I just want you and the baby to be happy and if that means moving away than I am all for it."
But that wasn't all. "I want you to move with us, mum."
There was silence as she took my proposal in. "But...my house..."
Before she could say more, I silenced her. "We'll sell it, you're hardly even there anymore," I stated. "We'll buy a house big enough for all of us. That way we won't have to be going to and fro all the time." Uncertainty lingered in her eyes. "I'll just get in the way. What if you meet a nice man? What about Grace?"
Ah, it clicked. She didn't want to abandon Grace.
"First of all, you won't get in the way. You and this baby are all I have, I need you. Secondly, I won't have time to meet a 'nice man' anytime soon, nor do I want to. And thirdly, Grace is a big girl, she can look after herself. She doesn't want to have anything to do with us right now. She'll come to you when she's ready. The space might do her good." I gave my mother time to think about our conversation and what I was proposing. It was a big decision and it would be months before it even happened.
Meanwhile, my thoughts often drifted to my unborn child to take my mind off losing Derek. I imagined where life would take us, what he or she would become and if they would be happy. I will admit, the prospect of being a single parent was daunting. Will I be enough for my son or daughter? Will they resent me for raising them without a father? These were questions that occasionally floated through my mind but I tried hard to ignore them. I could do this, I told myself, of course I could. Especially with my mother by my side. Julian did not yet know of my impending arrival nor did I intend to advise him. Of course he would find out eventually, through the grapevine, but it was not something I gave much thought to. He was nothing to me anymore.
I had thought it odd, at the time, that Derek had been killed so soon after I had requested a divorce from Julian. But after many sleepless nights, I deemed it just an unfortunate coincidence. I hadn't attended Derek's funeral because of the fact that I knew Julian would be there and I didn't want to make things anymore complicated than what they already were.To the best of my knowledge Julian knew nothing of our whirlwind affair and that is how I wanted to keep it for as long as I could.
So, on the day of Derek's funeral, I had lain on my bed and said my final goodbye to him privately. It was hard...very hard, but it made his death finally hit home. He really wasn't coming back. I had to remind myself that his spirit was living on inside me and as the months went past, I really didn't need to point it out anymore. It was right in front of me, large and round, and was growing by the day. My spirits were slowly rising with it as I realised it wouldn't be long until I was a mother. A whole new chapter in my life. I can't explain what it was like to feel the baby moving inside me. I guess it felt like a butterfly fluttering around in my stomach yet sometimes it wasn't so gentle. Especially in my last trimester when the little one was gaining strength at an incredible rate. I had no hope of catching a wink of sleep let alone a measly few hours! Surprisingly, it wasn't until I was eight and a half months pregnant (and unable to do much more) that I finally had time to realise how much my life had changed in such a short period of time.
One minute I had been a married woman, very unhappy with my life and missing my mother desperately. The next, I had unexpectedly met my soul mate, fallen deeply in love, reconnected with my mother and had high hopes for a happy future. Now, after losing my soul mate just as quickly as I had met him, I was a single, pregnant divorcee and you know what? I think the future is looking bright despite the circumstances. A sudden pain ripped through my thoughts, sending me crashing back to Earth. No time for thinking about how my life has changed up until now, it was all about to change again! I scrambled off the bed, doubling over from the pain and clutched my stomach. This was no false alarm, my baby was definitely coming and I had to think fast. Grabbing my mobile, I quickly dialed the one person who would get here in a flash. The phone rang several time before it picked up.
"Mum, the baby's coming!"
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22 Comment(s) posted so far
On Dec 24, 2009 candy820 wrote:
Great part!!!
Waiting to see if it's a boy or girl.
On Dec 24, 2009 Illandrya wrote:
My heart goes out to Charlotte, how torn she must be between the joy of her new baby and the death of her lover. I can't wait to see what is in store for her once the baby is born! ps - congrats on being featured, well deserved
On Dec 24, 2009 fredbrenny wrote:
That was a wonderful chapter Sam!
I like Charlotte so much better than in the beginning. I'm curious about the child. Who will it look like?
On Dec 24, 2009 martoele wrote:
Oh, please hurry with the next chapter. Great work.
On Dec 24, 2009 urm0m wrote:
Aww a baby!!!
poor Charlotte
On Dec 24, 2009 omik79 wrote:
I hope that Julian didnt have anything to do with Derek's death! YAY for the baby! And I think she will be better with her mom and baby! Cant wait to see what the baby is!!
On Dec 24, 2009 The Simsss Fan wrote:
I love babies.....Great story as always,Sam!Charlotte will be happier with Derek's baby,she'll have some memories from him....Can't wait for the next chapter
On Dec 24, 2009 xxheartlessxx12 wrote:
My heart goes out to Charlotte...I hope things will turn out good for her and the baby! You got me on the edge of my seat, curious about the next part, so I cant wait, so eager to read more of this touching story! 5.0!
On Dec 24, 2009 Crazy_doodle wrote:
Rating 5.0 (:
On Dec 25, 2009 coraski11 wrote:
WOOT!!! the baby is comin!! can't wait for dee next chapter!! 5.0
p.s merry christmas and a happy new year!!
On Dec 25, 2009 Midnight222 wrote:
Ahhhh right on Christmas ... what a great present .... another wonderful chapter! A new arrival for Charlotte ... her life is a right rollercoaster at the moment!
Looking forward to the next chapter ..... maybe, since she didnt go to the funeral, Derek is still alive .... had to fake his death to keep Julian from finding out he was the mole in the company!!!! (sorry my B&B thoughts getting away from me again!) 
Hope you have a great Chrissy Sam
On Dec 25, 2009 Story wrote:
Baby cliffhanger.
Poor Charlotte... Julian seems to be a suspicious character, or maybe it only seems that way. The story has already had a twist and turn, so who knows what Julian may or may not be involved in. Anyway, great chapter! Other than the new baby, I can't wait to see what's in store for Charlotte next. Merry Christmas to you as well!
On Dec 25, 2009 pinkglitter11 wrote:
Wowie! great! though I think its getting to happy ( i like happy ) , but a little more suspense and sorrow won't do any harm. lol but these series are really good! three thumbs up! hope to see the next one before breaks over! Merry Christmas to you, or Happy Holidays!!!
And I also agree with others that Julian is very suspicious! Thanks keep on writing lol! 
On Dec 25, 2009 Malrose828 wrote:
As always, great chapter! Your stories keep me on my toes reading and reading until there is nothing else to read. Ha ha.
Hmmm. I'm guessing that Julian isn't innocent, but that is just instinct for me, based on the past and how upset he was over the divorce. I believe the new baby will present more challenge to Charlotte's life and add more support that way. I love the suspense and forshadowing you show: great job! Have a wonderful holiday and I will look forward to the next chapters to come! 5.0 always! 
On Dec 27, 2009 tonya99rn wrote:
So glad to see that she has a baby to remember him by! Very pretty main character also!
On Dec 28, 2009 tykijones wrote:
i cant wait to see the next chapter!
On Dec 28, 2009 Mangio wrote:
i want to know if its a boy or girl ... happy holidays
great story was again and im glad Derek left her something (: cant wait to read more 
On Dec 29, 2009 spitzmagic wrote:
OOOOH I loved it Sam. I hope it's a boy!.....
On Dec 29, 2009 Jennifer_R wrote:
I loved this part!
Charlotte is such a sweety! 
I can't wait to find out what she is having and whether he/she will look like Derek or her. 
On Dec 29, 2009 Peachybitz1 wrote:
Just read the entire 7 chapters...utterly fantastic
...I hope everything goes well with the birth and maybe it would be nice if somehow Charlotte and Brian got together 
...can't wait for the next chapter 
On Dec 29, 2009 drewsoltesz wrote:
Well done once again, the emotion, is certainly there in your writing and your shots, love the close up with the tear, very, very effective. And baby cliffhanger, yes! Great job!!
On Jan 2, 2010 crazymonkey1125 wrote:
Look @ my comment on the last chapter. I WAS RIGHT AGAIN