Thank you to all the creators of the clothes, furniture, patterns, etc. in this story! Thank you for sharing your talent with all of us! <3
Let me point this is a work of fiction. Enjoy!
Also, please comment and vote! :3 Thank you!
Let me point this is a work of fiction. Enjoy!
Also, please comment and vote! :3 Thank you!
I knew I would have to come back someday. Back to this dreaded place. Not that it used to be the most dreaded place on earth. But things changed in the family that made it... dreadful. Depressing. Annoying. Frustrating. I didn't want to come back, but I had to. Somehow I still have feelings. The feelings I have been trying to get rid of. These feelings are the last of my feelings. I only want to get rid of them so I don't have to feel the same thing- Oh, this room.... The room where it all ended. Where everything was said and everyone was given a punishment.. Where I first saw Mom in pain. -Flashback-
'Please tell me why you did it, Terrence?' Mom begs Dad, heart broken. Confused about her emotions and what she should be feeling. Anger, Betrayed, and Sadness swirled together.
'I can't tell you why.' Dad answers. The answer makes Mom falter.
'Was it because she was prettier than me? Was it because she is younger?' Mom asks, barely audible. Dad presses his lips together and turns his face away.
-End of Flashback- I quickly turn to look out the window to escape the memory and what came next after it. I regret looking out the window. Dad, in front, walking to get inside the waiting car. Mom, trailing behind him, in her beautiful fitting dress. They didn't know that every step they took was going to be their last. They didn't know the driver was sick, but still came to work. They didn't see or hear the other car that caused the head on collision. The car behind them couldn't stop in time, smashing my parent's car in the front and back... No survivors were found from my parent's car. But the two that caused the collision, they were safe. I turn away feeling... Sad? I don't know. I don't want to feel. Ever again. I walk over to the dining room. A memory awaited me and once I was about to enter the kitchen, the guilty voice of Dad saying "Sorry Isabella, the hospital had a lot of patients today." Mom's footsteps fill the silence between them.
Only looking over her shoulder, she softly hisses "Go back to that other girl of yours."
I had paused to see the scene replay, but I then shook myself out of the trance, continuing to walk into the kitchen. Stirring my processed Macaroni and Cheese in a bowl, I see Mom in my peripheral vision. I feel.. Water? rim my eyes and I gulp sensing a lump in my suddenly dry throat.
In the past when I was kid, I didn't understand what was going on except for that Mom was sad and stressed and Dad was growing apart from us.
That's all I understood. I sit down at the table, memories pushing against another to be seen once again.
Lonely days fill my mind when I was a child always eating alone and trying to tune out the soft sobs in the kitchen.
I use to go into the kitchen to comfort my mother, but she would always wipe away her tears and pretend like she had a cut or burned herself only to shoo me away.
The scraping of my spoon against the bowl brought me back to reality.
I automatically went to wash my dish.
As I let my feet take me their own path, I run into the most painful memory that I had in this place.
'Mom?' I ask, looking at the top of her head.
'Why? Why didn't you go to school today?' She asks softly, but harshly.
The radio was playing the song for the moment.
♪♫~I close my eyes for a while, And force from the world a patient smile, But I gave you all~♪♫
My mom doesn't get up only turns her head so I can see the hate burn clearly in her eyes.
'If it wasn't for you, your father and I could have been ha-'
A honk slashes her sentence in half. But it's too late. I already know what she was saying.
Her and Dad would have been happier without me. They wouldn't have these problems.
I turn on my heel not caring about my suitcases and walk out. I continue to walk towards the waiting limousine for my boarding school. My mother's words burn into my mind. Little Jade calls out good bye to me and I simply smile at her kindness. I could never return to be as innocent as her. Getting inside the limousine, I feel a sudden numbness. I couldn't feel the ache that was in my heart anymore or the heavy burden on my shoulder. Since all I felt was that numbness.
In boarding school, it was the same until I met that one person. I look at the stairs and I climb as exhaustion presents itself to me.
Except my body still has a mind of its own.
My playroom. Adventures of going to a castle and slaying a dragon would have been some kid's memories, but not mine.
All I remember is when I was playing doll house.... That I would have normal parents that were madly in love with one another. 'Just stop, Terrence. For the sake of Ari's ears.' My mother states, tears probably rimming her eyes. I gently put down my dolls as I listen to their conversation.
Dad, drenched by the sprayers on the lawns and partially because of Mom spraying him with the water hose, was still apologizing.
'Isabella, I'm sorry! It won't happen again! I promise you! I promise! I love you, Isabella! And only you! Please! PLEASE! FORGIVE ME!" My father begs getting on his knees.
I feel mother's wall falter as she says 'We can talk about this at night.' and Dad runs off, happily knowing he won. My mom then turns me around and hugs me.
'I'm sorry, darling. Mommy and Daddy are just going through tough times right now. But everything's fine.' She lies.
But I hug her back anyways letting her think I didn't know anything. That I still didn't have a brain.
It was only for her that I remained her 'baby girl' so she can live in her fantasy world that everything was okay in our family. Not able to take anymore memories, I fall asleep in the warmth of my now returning numbness. -The next day-
Fixing any flaws on my make-up, I brace myself for today. Where I hear people talk about their experiences with my parents. Only one person came and it was one of my father's 'patients'.
"My, you have grown! Your father always talked about you after we had some fu-"
"If all you're going to do is talk about my father's one night stands with you, then I'm telling you to leave right at this moment."
She snickers. "What a troublesome child you must have been." She says, hitting a spot that I never knew was in me.
----'If it wasn't for you,'--------
"GET OUT NOW!" I yell at her, scaring her off. She runs away quickly as I slam the door behind her.
I walk over to the dining room so I can cool down from my sudden outburst until I spot that person.
"Ari.." He breathes.
Oh how I just wanted to go into his arms and feel the warmth he always gives me, but I restrain myself because I know that I will become just like my mother.
He inches closer "Ari, I'm sorry for this. I know how it feels when your parents die." He says, his hands coming closer slowly.
I stiffen my body, not wanting to be touched by him because I know his touch will have this spark to it.
So I do what I do best, defend myself. "Do not touch me!" I hiss, as daylight turns to night.
"Ari, please! I know you're just trying to protect yourself from everything that has hap-"
"I'm going to change and go out. Do whatever you please like doing." I state, coldly. I walk away as I hear a sigh of defeat come out from him.
I immediately change and go straight into my car, already knowing my destination. Walking down that path that someone directed me in, I get off the path, already knowing that these were, in fact, my parent's graves.
I feel sadness seep into my pores and anger as well. "Why? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TO ME?! You know how much suffering you put me through?! And I kno-know it's selfish to be ranting about this now, but WHY?! I was your only child an-and... I know you tried. I know you did. To teach me everything. B-b-But," I say regaining my breath as my sobs slow down.
"I only came to say I still love you both as much... as much as the galaxy."
I begin to cry even more as I said something I overheard another student said to their parents over the phone. I hear Ryan's footsteps behind me and I turn around and rush into... His warm arms.
"You were always protecting yourself thinking that everything was going to be the same as your past. Ari, I want to show that it's not going to be the same. That you can make new ones and finally remember the happy memories from the past." Ryan whispers into my ear.
"By starting with this.." His warm lips touch my cold, salty ones.
Then I start to.. feel things...
Like the butterflies in my stomach and the calmness that I have.
Like the happiness prancing in my fast, irregular heartbeat.
Then I feel heat rushing to my cheeks.
He pulls away, smiling a gentle smile.
"I am?!" I ask, surprised. I gasp at the tone of my voice and gently touch my cheeks.
"It's cute." He smiles even more which makes me blush harder. Days, months, and years pass as I finally realize Ryan was right.
Where you gain new memories that you enjoy, you can remember the old ones. Where I saw the memory of me in my dinosaur costume staring at my mom and dad, in love with one another.
To getting married to my loved one and then... A very adoring surprise comes. With more little fights that makes our relationship stronger and moments that makes us happier. To seeing him with our baby, smiling and proud. Making my burden lift a little bit more.
With my childhood memories, I love our child more than anything. Knowing what I can could do to make our child's life happy unlike some parts of mine. Maybe I focused too much on the bad parts of my memories, but they made me meet my loved one. And my loved one helped me break free of my burdens.
I no longer feel the numbness I felt before. The numbness that had its chains and shackles on me, bringing me deeper into the dark pit.
Instead I feel pure bliss of happiness.
And I know.. I know that there is more moments that are to be revealed and cherished.
Cherished by all of us. Where they will stay in my mind.
Not replacing another memory, but having their own tiny place.
Their own place in my mind and in my heart.
Old Memories. New Memories.
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