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Unhappily Ever After: Part Two
Published Jun 18, 2011


Page 1 / 29

I need a lover who won't drive me crazy
(A girl to thrill me, and then go away!)
I need a lover who won't drive me crazy
(Someone who knows the meaning of "Hey--hit the highway!")

~ John Cougar Mellencamp, "I Need A Lover"

I need a lover who won't drive me crazy
(A girl to thrill me, and then go away!)
I need a lover who won't drive me crazy
(Someone who knows the meaning of "Hey--hit the highway!")

~ John Cougar Mellencamp, "I Need A Lover"
So Jared did what he usually did in any crisis--he panicked and called his little brother. And then he yelled at Jo to get the hell out of his room so he could dress, and go downstairs and make breakfast or whatever chicks did after one-night stands. And Jo screamed back in French, and Jared told her if she didn't get going, he'd MAKE her get going! As Jo walked down the stairs, she desperately tried to remember how she ever got together with this obnoxious man. She couldn't even remember his name, but that was HARDLY important. Where was she anyways? This crappy house was nothing like what Jo was used to. Except for George’s renovated fire station, she'd lived in one mansion after another, all her life. George. Her ex-husband.

Jo had to confess to herself that she had been thinking about him a lot lately. It was not as if she was feeling guilty, no, Jo never felt guilty about anything she did. Not even about leaving Ninette to her OTHER ex-husband Charles ... well, perhaps a little guilty about that. She had loved her little girl, and if time had permitted, Jo would have made Ninette into an exact replica of herself.
But when Charles had showed up in Riverview only five months after Jo and George’s wedding, demanding custody of his daughter on the grounds that Jo was a manipulative sociopath, Jo had been left with very little choice other than to cooperate. Even George turned on her! The marriage was over from the very moment Charles had opened his big mouth. Jo could no longer see any love on George’s kind face, only fear and disgust. He actually testified AGAINST her at the custody hearing!

And that mean ol' judge hadn't helped at all! She'd paid him all of that bribe money for nothing! Was there no shame left in this world?
Jo couldn't understand George's sudden change of heart just because of a stupid story that Charles had told him! Okay, so maybe in the past she had been engaged to the young heir Oswald Wright, and maybe she'd just been in it for the money ... ... and maybe she'd cheated on Oswald with Charles, who just coincidentally happened to be Oswald's cousin. But that wasn't REALLY her fault!
After all, Oswald's crazy mother Layla and power-hungry father William had used both her and Oswald as pawns in their war of a marriage, and what had become of all of it? Poor Oswald had been left with that mousy Anne Heineken and had an ugly baby boy with her, so good for him. Layla had died of a heart attack (maybe; it was common knowledge that Layla didn't HAVE a heart!) ... ... and after becoming the leader of the free world, William had found much to his disappointment that any idiot could do his job. So he turned into an old goat chasing women younger than his own son. Jo couldn't help smirking as she reminisced. Those manipulative jerks! She was doing so much better than any of them.

Of course, then she recalled that her happiness with Charles had been so short-lived that he had ditched her the moment she had told him she was pregnant.

Aw, hell.
Well, who gave a damn anymore? She had Charles’s millions in her pocket, she was free to go wherever she wanted, to do whatever she wanted and to be with anyone she wanted. Granted, Jo had absolutely no idea why she had wanted to be with this tattooed Neanderthal. Perhaps all of the champagne and vodka shots had something to do with it?

Jo heard the front door open and close again. Then she saw a man walk in as if he belonged there and start making coffee. Who could that possibly be?
She came back inside and looked at this new face. He looked a lot like ... Jared. That's right. That's what mohawk-head's name was. But this one wore a wool suit and a silk tie. And an expensive watch.

This one was rich. This one was JUST her type.

Jo came inside, smiled at him. He smiled back, and held out his hand.

Jo's smile grew. Ohhh, this one was gonna be putty in her hand--
--her hand, holding a hot mug--


"Oops! Careful there, it's hot."

Coffee?! What the--never mind.
Jo sucked her fingers and fluttered her eyelashes coyly. This usually got her the attention she wanted. This one didn't take the bait. Maybe because Jared was stomping down the stairs right behind them. He glared at them both.

"Connor, do me a favor and get her outta here."
"... and take her where?" this Connor asked.

"Home, you idiot!"

"Which is where? ..."

"Geez, aren't you a cop? Look her up or something!" Jared shoved past him to get at the coffee.
Connor shoved back and both men stared each other down.

"Let's get something straight here. This woman is in YOUR house. That means YOU need to talk to her. NOT me. So get your act together, or I'm out of here."

Jared grumbled to himself for a moment. Jo would have been happy to tell Connor anything if he'd look her way, but somehow that didn't enter into his pretty head.

"... her name is Jo D-something something. Look, it's French, okay? I can't pronounce that crap! Lady, tell him your name!"
"Josephine Marie D'Haleine," Jo snapped.

Connor smiled grimly. "See how easy that was? Okay, ma'am. Take your time with your coffee and I'll be happy to escort you back home."

"Don't 'escort' her too far, unless you want Rosalind to put her on a board breaker and snap her in half," Jared growled.
Connor laughed, but Jo frowned. Who was this Rosalind? ... but it didn't matter. Connor had touched her elbow and was smiling at her and she was walking out of the door with him. He was going to be putty. Take that, Jared! She sat primly in Connor's office while he looked up her given name, then her married name. "Ms. D'Haleine."

She smiled; he'd pronounced it correctly!

"Got a problem here. You're not listed in any of City Hall's vital statistics databases."

"But I leeve ‘ere een town!"

"Well, did you sign a lease? Or are you subletting? ... or did you give them a false name?"
Her smile vanished instantly.

"’ow dare you!" she spluttered, but Connor just shrugged and moved away from the computer. "Hey, don't get mad at me! You're the one who's been married and divorced twice in the past two years!"

Josephine stared at her own face and all of her business on the screen. She went scarlet. "Thees ees ridiculous! Nothing is sacred anymore! A woman cannot live ‘er life een peace and quiet!"

"Alright, look. Tell me where you live, or give me a landmark or something, and I'll make sure you get home. Sound good?"

But all Jo remembered about her apartment was that it was in a tall building. As for what was around the building, or what it looked like, or even what her apartment number WAS--she was clueless.
After driving her to the fourth complex and striking out, Connor gave up. "Ms. D'Haleine, I know you're new in town, but if you don't remember ANYTHING about your unit there's only so much I can do."

"But then what am I supposed to do?" Jo shrieked.

Connor scratched his nose. "Whoever you're writing a rent check to, give 'em a call and find out where your apartment is."
Unfortunately, Jo had discharged her rent in cash, and all she remembered about the man was that he looked like a weasel and she'd almost slapped him when she caught him staring at her chest. Despite himself, Connor laughed and earned himself one hell of a dirty look. "That's ... not exactly helpful, Ms. D'Haleine. Well, unless you want me to take you by the town's hotel--"

"Of course not! I ‘ave an apartment, I want you to find eet!"

"Look," Connor said flatly. "If you can't remember anything at all, I can't exactly read your mind. If you don't want to stay at a hotel tonight, I'm taking you back to Jared's."

Jo wailed and whined for a bit longer, but there was no arguing with this one--he didn't even seem to notice that she was flirting when she wasn't screaming!
She sulked all the way back to that horrible house and listened sullenly as the two men fought over what to do with her.

"... she doesn't know where home IS, Jared!"

"Well, home ain't here!"

"Lemme get this straight. She was good enough to sleep with last night, but you can't stand to have her around for another twenty-four hours? ... geez, what a charmer. Let the woman stay here while I figure out where she's supposed to be."
"Why can't she stay at YOUR place? You've got guest bedrooms!"

Jo perked up. Stay with Connor?

"Haha, very funny. Your lady friends don't stay at my place. You know the rules, buster."

That bastard!
"Well, she's not staying here either!"

"Actually, she is. Because if you don't let her in ..." and Connor lowered his voice.
Whatever he said had an effect because Jared immediately stiffened. He looked at Jo and looked at Connor and looked at Jo again.

Finally he stepped back into the house. The door remained open.
Connor gestured to Jo. She came forward, not certain whether to thank him or roll her eyes at him, since she wasn't GOOD enough for HIS house! "Twenty-four hours," Jared shouted.

"Twenty-four hours," Connor repeated, and nodded at Jo, who purposefully ignored him.

The front door shut.

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HellsaintJul 7, 2011

Could never get over page 14, way too hilarious \:D
great job again!

lillypad625Jun 28, 2011

Jo is too funny she and Connor would be interesting together and Jared he is just plain crazy!!!!!

MangioJun 25, 2011

What laughter \:D Jo is certainly quite the character.. she can't even remember her own apartment \:P I'm glad Connor didn't notice her flirting \:wub\: Jo does have a really long history of men with money.. i wonder what the next 24 hours will bring \;\) Can't wait.. and congrats on the feature \:rah\:

ShelleyBJun 22, 2011

\:D Hahaha. I agree with Margo. Jo, the French cow, should have been relegated to a SINGLE tent at the curb! This is great fun.

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