Welcome to the Childhood (3)
Published Apr 9, 2011

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Welcome to the Childhood (3: Little Green Lies)

((Authors Note: Welcome to the Childhood continues to run on a collision course with the series Occasionally Yours, by TSRs Spladoum. Best to read both and let the good times roll until they hit head on))

Welcome to the Childhood (3: Little Green Lies)

((Authors Note: Welcome to the Childhood continues to run on a collision course with the series Occasionally Yours, by TSRs Spladoum. Best to read both and let the good times roll until they hit head on))
Valley Elementary School, 10:00 AM On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, the students in Miss Crumplebottoms first grade class get to go to the gymnasium. Today is Monday. Dodge Ball Day. Unfortunately, Coach Clavell has halted the game to take a Very Important Phone Call. So Jules Simanski, Leo Sekemoto, and Henry Hatch are passing the time by discussing their teachers marks on their latest assignment which was to write down what they want to be when they grow up. [Jules:] Not cool. Miss Crumplebottom keeps putting the Red X on all my papers. I mean, whats wrong with saying you want to be happy when you grow up?
[Leo:] I guess she wanted you to write down a job, Jules.
[Jules:] Well, geez, how am I supposed to know what job I want to be? I dont even know all the jobs there are yet.
[Leo:] Dont worry, Jules. Even if you did it right, she probably wouldve put the Red X on you. She put one on all the boys. I wrote I wanted to be a race car driver and she said I should be more serious about my future. [Henry:] Yeah. She gave me the Red X, too she said the job I picked was pretend. I told her creature-robot-cross-breeder was a real job, my dad said so, but she didnt believe me. [Leo:] She got the Altos, too. I think its the first Red X they ever got. Angelo said he wanted to be a kung-fu fighter, and Devlin said he wanted to be the richest man in the world. Guess those werent serious enough for Miss Crumplebottom, either. [Jules:] Whyd she Red X all the boys, do you think?
[Henry:] My big sister says girls are smarter than boys. Maybe thats it.
[Leo:] Nah. I think Miss Crumplebottom just doesnt like boys. Shes always telling us to stop this and stop that, but she lets the girls whisper and pass notes all the time. [Jules:] Well, if the girls got Green Checkmarks instead of Red Xs, lets ask them what they wrote.
[Henry:] What do you mean? Like, go over there and and talk to them? No way! Bad enough Im the only boy in class that has to sit next to one
[Leo:] Nah, Jules. I only talk to girls when I have to.
Jules doesnt understand Leo and Henrys reluctance. He really wants to know how the girls got those Green Checkmarks, and it seems a simple enough thing to just go ask them. A friendly thing, even. So why not? Jules approaches Wanda Wan-Goddard first. Wanda is the only girl that appears as annoyed as the boys that the dodge ball game has been interrupted today. Which makes her sort of more like a boy than a girl.
[Wanda:] I wrote I want to be a CSICSI: Valley, thats going to be me!
[Jules:] Oh. Okay.
Jules has no idea what Wanda is talking about. But it must be a good job, because Wanda got the Green Checkmark instead of the Red X. Hell just have to find out what a See-Ess-Eye is later.
Hes considering which girl to ask next when he suddenly finds himself surrounded by Sandra Sandi French, Dahlila Lil Bachelor, and Catalina Cat Urbano. Jules has to admit this is an unsettling turn of events. Maybe this is what Leo and Henry were talking about? Too bad they didnt just come right out and say that if you talk to one girl, you might get the whole crowd. [Sandi:] So, Jules. You want to know what we told Miss Crumplebottom we want to be when we grow up?
Since his tongue seems to want to stick to the roof of his mouth at the moment, Jules just nods his head.
[Sandi:] Teacher.
[Lil:] Nurse.
[Cat:] Cake decorator.
The girls are giggling as they speak. Like they know a secret Jules does not. Curiosity finally unsticks Jules tongue.
[Jules:] Whats so funny?
[Sandi:] We dont really want to be those things, Jules. I want to be a movie star when I grow up. [Lil:] And I want to be a super model. [Cat:] And I want to be the Princess of Galaad. [Sandi:] But we didnt tell Miss Crumplebottom THAT.
[Jules:] Why not?
[Sandi:] Because Miss Crumplebottom thinks that everyone should want to have sensible jobs.
[Lil:] Serious jobs.
[Cat:] Boooring jobs.
[Jules:] So you lied? Isnt that a bad thing?
The girls are giggling again.
[Sandi:] A Green Checkmark Lie is better than a Red X Truth, Jules.
The whistle blows to signal gym class is over. Jules rejoins Leo and Henry in the lineup for the locker room, thinking maybe Henrys big sister is right. Maybe girls are smarter than boys. Underneath all the giggles. Meanwhile
The Pennylane Institution of Psychiatric Services (PIPS)
It is the middle of another group therapy session with Jesse and Jono Simanski and their psychiatrist, Dr. Evelyn Eve Elfman. Eve is beginning to think of the second hour of these sessionsthe hour that focuses on Jesseas the Jesse Avoidance Hour.
[Eve:] Jesse, can we talk about Gwen?
Jesse gives Jono a look of reproach. [Jono:] Seriously? You think I told her anything about that? [Eve:] *sighs* Jesse, you put my brother in your band. I heard about Gwen Glover and the Internet video from him. [Jesse:] *face palm* Aw, dammit.
[Eve:] Why dont you want to talk about this, Jesse?
[Jesse:] Because youre just going to try and shrink me!
[Eve:] Is it possible you think you might actually need some shrinking on this subject?
[Jesse:] no.
[Jono:] Jesse.
Jesse looks at Jono. There is a silent staredown between them, which Jono wins when Jesse averts his eyes first. This verifies Eves suspicion that Jono is capable of as much (if not more) influence on Jesse as the other way around. Apparently hearing Jesse lie in therapy is enough motivation to get Jono to use it.
[Jesse:] Okay, yeah. Maybe a little.
[Eve:] I understand you first saw Gwen Glover on an internet website. How did you happen to visit there?
[Jesse:] It was an accident. I was surfing specs for my paladinthats my main on World of Warcraftand somehow I hit the wrong link, or somebody posted the wrong link, or whatever, and
Eve has just asked Jesse another question. He has no idea what it was.
[Jesse:] huh? What?
Rather than repeat the question, Eve decides to make a different inquiry. One to which the answer is much more clinically important.
[Eve:] Jesse. Do episodes like thismoments where you are no longer aware of your environmenthappen to you often?
[Jesse:] no.
[Jono:] Jesse.
This time Jesse recants the lie without a staredown.
[Jesse:] Well, yeah. But only when Im thinking about Gwen, so its not like its all the time or anything.
[Eve:] Would you describe your interest in Gwen Glover as a crush?
[Jesse:] I guess so.
[Eve:] Have you had many crushes in the past on individuals youve never met?
[Jesse:] Sure I have. Whole bunch of them. Poison Ivy, Asuka Langley Soryu, Jessica Rabbit, Codex Eve avoids looking directly at Jono, but out of the corner of her eye, she can see him squirming in his chair as Jesse recites this list.
[Eve:] Jesse, those are all fictional characters in movies and TV shows.
[Jesse:] Yeah, so? Were talking fantasy material here, right?
[Eve:] Would you say these past crushes were the same as your current crush on Gwen?
[Jono:] No. No way. Gwen is just way more awesome.
Eve waits for Jesses attention to wander back to her, with an eye on her watch. Hes elsewhere for 12 seconds before a kick from Jono brings him back. 12 seconds. And hed have gone longer, if not for Jonos prompt. She writes a note. And sincerely hopes shes wrong.
[Eve:] Jesse. Are you always clear in your mind that youve never actually met this woman?
[Jesse:] Well duh, yeah, I know that, but thats about to change. Im going to meet her this Friday in fact, so shrink that, Doc.
Taken completely off guard, Eve has no chance to mask the alarm on her face.
[Eve:] Is this true?
[Jono:] Yes
[Jesse:] Sure its true. And on that note, we cue the music.
[Eve:] JesseyouI wish you wouldntwe really havent discussed this to the extent I think we should
[Jesse:] Save it, Doc. Times up. Shrink me some other day.
Jesse leaves. Jono is slower to follow him today. The look he gives Eve on his way out is one of uneasy bemusement. Because it has now occurred to him that if Danis concernsand apparently Eves as wellare correct, he is the one who just screwed up big time by helping to set Jesse up with this girl. But honestly. How bad could it go? Later that same evening
The Simanski house, 4:30 PM
Miss Crumplebottom, disappointed with the responses of half her class to the question what do you want to be when you grow up, has given a new homework assignment. Each of her students is to write down three job titles, and define them. Jules has decided to get some help with this one. Lots of it. [Jules:] Are girls smarter than boys, do you think?
[Jono and Jesse:] No. They just think they are.
[Dani:] Ah why do you ask, Jules?
[Jules:] Because all the girls in my class got Green Checkmarks and all the boys got Red Xs on our last paper. We had to write what we want to be when we grow up. I wasnt sure, so I wrote I want to be happy. But Miss Crumplebottom didnt like it. [Jono:] She Red Xd you for that?
[Jesse:] Jules, your teacher is
[Dani:] Jesse! Do not finish that sentence!
[Jesse:] The only reason you know what I was going to say is because you were thinking it, too.
Jules doesnt know what his Uncle Jesse was going to say about Miss Crumplebottom. But he figures it cant be much worse than what Leo has been calling her lately. The Red Ink Witch. [Jules:] Whats a See-Ess-Eye?
[Jono:] CSI stands for Crime Scene Investigation, Jules. Its a cop who looks at clues from crimes under a microscope.
[Jules:] Huh. That doesnt sound like a very fun job.
[Jesse:] It is when you watch it on TV.
[Jules:] Whats your job called, Dad?
[Jono:] Computer Security Consultant.
[Jesse:] He makes computers unhackable.
[Jono:] *snort* I make computers less hackable. No computer is unhackable.
[Dani:] Honestly, you two. Jules, your father works on computers to stop criminals from breaking into them. [Jules:] Why would anyone want to break into a computer? For those little parts inside?
[Jesse:] *laughs*
[Dani:] Should I let you answer that, Jono?
Later, that same night
Whistler Collections Co., 9:00 PM
For the past two weeks, the Repomen have been practicing for their first genuine gig, set for next Saturday night. Since the graduation party theyll be playing is for band member Terry Whistlers daughter, the band wont actually be paid. But a gigs a gig. [Terry:] *sings* I was a rebel from the day I left school grew my hair long and broke all the rules Id sit and listen to my records all day with big ambitions of when I could play [Terry:] *sings* My parents taught me what life was about so I grew up the type they warned me about they said my friends were just an unruly mob and I shouldget a haircut and get a real job! [Repomen:] *sing* Get a haircut and get a real job clean your act up and dont be a slob get it together like your big brother Bob why dont youget a haircut and get a real job! The cover of Get a Haircut plays out, and the Repomen end their practice to goof off and converse with visiting friends-turned-groupies, Peggy Sue Primrose and Fantasia Feathers. Terrys daughter, Windy, and her best friend, Sam Sekemoto, are also in attendance. And Windy has just received some terrible news.
[Windy:] Youre going to Foxgrove on the day I graduate?!
[Jesse:] Ill be at the ceremony Friday morning, Windy. And Ill be back in time for the party on Saturday night, okay?
[Windy:] okay.
What Windy wanted to say was: No. No, its not okay. Its a freaking disaster. But can she say that before Friday? No. And even after Friday explaining her issues with Jesse and Gwen Glover in front of her father might be problematic, too. Which hadnt really occurred to her before now. None of this exchange has escaped the observation of Sam. He knows whats what here, oh yes. Its currently at the top of his list of things to scowl about.
[Sam:] How can you want to go with that guy after you graduate? Hes an idiot.
[Windy:] He is NOT an idiotyou just dont like him because you plan on asking Peggy Sue out the very second you have your diploma, and Jesses dated her before.
[Sam:] You call what he does dating?
[Windy:] I believe it takes two for that tango, Sam. Pegs no saint either and you know it.
[Denny:] Heya, Windy.
[Sam:] Get lost, Elfman.
[Windy:] Sam! Mean much?
[Sam:] You want him hanging around you now? Say the word, Windy. Last I knew, you werent into him.
[Windy:] That doesnt mean Im a jerkface to him. Jerkface.
Sam rolls his eyes. Women. But Windy is right about one thing. He does plan on asking Peg out after graduation, like hes wanted to do this whole long year. Just four more days. Four more days, and hell be free to do whatever he wants. He can move out of his dads house. He can be a tattoo artist. And he can marry Peggy Sue Primrose after however long it takes to convince her what a great idea that is. [Windy:] Sorry about that, Denny. Sam is just well. You know how Sam is.
[Denny:] Yeah. No worries. So uh you like the way the band sounds?
[Windy:] Definitely. You guys are going to rock the party on Saturday I cant wait.
Denny Elfman has had a crush on Windy Whistler since the 7th grade. Everyone at school knows it, its sort of a standing joke. Like Denny himself is sort of a standing joke, as far as high school goes. Imagine his delight when he joined the Repomen and found out the band included Windys father, held their practices on the Whistler property, and Windy attended nearly every practice. But its pretty clear to him now why Windy really hangs around the Repomen jam sessions. Denny would give up his drumsticks if he could get Windy to look at him the way she looks at Jesse Simanski. [Directors Commentary:] George Thorogood & the Destroyers Get A Haircut can be heard here for free with a copy/paste to browser (may not work for non-US browsers, sorry):]

((Special Thanks to:

* Jesse Simanskis list of fantasy ladies from: Batman (animated series), Evangelion (anime series), Who Framed Roger Rabbit (movie), and The Guild (internet series)

* TSR artists: agapi r (medieval dress), Lilliebou (bleachers, witchy stuff), spladoum (beer t-shirt), MoMama (tie-dye pattern), liampike2 (gold bars), DOT (desk light), and CycloneSue (loads of junk laying all over Whistler Collections Co.)

* Wintermuteai1 at Simslice (dodge ball)

* TSRs Spladoum for crossover suspense extraordinaire

* TSRs YrS92 for Cat Urbanos unauthorized fantasy to one day marry a Garden

* Many many many cc creators already credited in this series and my previous series

* All those cc creators that I havent credited by name, here or elsewhere, my apologies and thanks

> Readers-to-the-end-creditsyou dont need haircuts or real jobs, because YOU ROCK, always :D ))

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#26urm0mApr 16, 2011


#27ohgodcaitlynApr 17, 2011

I am soo looking forward to Gwen and Jesse meeting. <3
Yet another great episode! 

#28MinraedApr 30, 2011

Absolutely LOVING this whole set of stories. I just read all three of your story sets in one.. well two, sittings. I couldn't stop. Brilliant character development and photography too. Cant' wait for more.

#29lym_montijo_87May 20, 2011

OMG I'm addicted to this short stories. It's like I have an affection for the characters. Please keep writing them!

#30ShelleyBJun 22, 2011

"Fun, fun, fun, 'til her Daddy takes the T-bird away." --courtesy of the Beach Boys. This story gets "funner and funner." I think I jumped ahead to one of April's stories-which I didn't understand entirely-but I'm back on track now. I love the interactions between the elementary school kids, the "adults," and everything in between. You have a great understanding of how generations communicate between each other. On to the next..... \:D

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