An Open Letter to My Pets! (funny)

I got this in an e-mail, and I thought a few of you lighter-hearted people would enjoy this... ;D

 To all cats and dogs:

The dishes with the paw-prints on them are yours. they contain YOUR food. The other dishes are mine and contain MY food. Please note; placing a paw in the middle of my plate does not claim it as your own. Nor do I find it pleasing in the slightest.

The stair-case was NOT designed by NASCAR. Beating me to the bottom is NOT the objective. Tripping me doesn't help much, because I fall faster than you run.

I cannot buy anything larger than a King-size bed. I am very sorry for this. Do not thinkI will continue sleepin gon the couch just to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicualr to eachother, stretched out to the fullest extet possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hang out is nothing but sarcasm.

The propper order is to kiss me, THEN go sniff the other cat or dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

For teh last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, bark, try to turn the handle or get your paw under the edge and pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years now. Canine or feline assistance is not needed.

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following note on my door:

To all non-pet-owners who visit and like to complain about other peoples pets:

1. They live here, you don't.

2. If you don't want fur on your clothes, stay of the furniture (hence why they call it FURniture)

3. I like my pets better than I like most people.

4. To you, it is just an animal. To me he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember that in many ways, pets are better than children.

1. They eat less.

2. They don't ask for money all the time.

3. They're easier to train

4. And usually come when they're called.

5. They never ask to drive the car.

6. They don't hang out with drug-using friends,

7.  Don't smoke or drink

8. They don't have to buy the latest fashions.

9. They don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.

And finally, 10. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.