The HARSH TRUTH about Sims 4 toilets

Downloading toilets for The Sims 4 has never been more important. Save your Sims from cheap plastic imitations now!  The Sims Resource has you covered!

How many of you are going to admit that, upon gleefully installing the latest version of The Sims, you head straight for the bathroom section to see what toilets you’ve been given?  Look – don’t be all coy about this – I know what you do.  Straight to the toilet section.  You jump right in there and have a good poke about, then you slap down one wall on an empty lot, stick a toilet on that wall, in the garden – and you’ll probably choose the green colour.  That is the true way to play any new Sims game.  If you don’t do that, then you’re not doing it right.

The second thing you should be doing is heading straight towards The Sims Resource’s vast library of toilets.  Yes, there is such a repository, and you could do worse than to download EVERY toilet there is – just to have them all…

You should take a moment to do that now.  Download EVERY toilet for The Sims 4.

What makes a true gamer?

There is something special about the toilet in any computer game, and it’s impossible to walk past one without reaching out to flush it.  Tip: don’t try this at home if you are on a water meter and definitely not while visiting others!  Even in older games where most of the scenery couldn’t be interacted with, you were generally gifted with a flushing toilet.  Those super low-polygon toilets in the 1990’s that looked like Elon Musk had a hand in the design (oops!  Lawsuit incoming!) – even they flushed, so, this is pretty much a staple of any game now.

We expect toilets, and we expect them to flush.  It doesn’t matter if we can’t flip the light switches, check under the rug or put a llama in the toaster, as long as the toilet flushes, we’re good with that.  It’s our one tangible way of connecting physically with our game space. Flushing all the toilets is what separates gamers from, well, everybody else – and we know it!  “Excuse me player, we’re in this game to solve a murder!”   “Yes, well I’ll just pop over and flush that toilet first, oh and this one!  Look at that!  Did you see that?  Hmm, I wonder if I flushed those over there too?  I’ll just nip back and flush them again…”

A most necessary toilet experiment!

The Sims has had an amazing array of almost totally identical toilets over the decades (oh no, I’m in big trouble now…).  The flush action used to be splendid.  We were gifted with a spinning water graphic in Sims 2, but the flushes of The Sims 3 and The Sims 4 have really downgraded that experience.  Perhaps this was for the sake of decorum (don’t you just hate decorum?  I know I do), BUT, they still flush and that’s the main thing.

Now, we can’t flush all the delightful thrones provided to us by EA ourselves, so we make our servile Sims do it. Click the Sim, click the toilet, then sit back and watch magic happen (you do this too, right?) and what is most pleasing about our obedient little Sims is you can send them back to have another go!  There’s no whining about not needing to go. Simply: Sit. Wee. Flush. Re-pee-eeet (yes, I really did just try to make that joke).

The whole action is simply cathartic.

Unplayable!

My first toilet experiment in The Sims 4 (oh PLEASE – I just sat a Sim on it) involved EA’s “The John”.  A plain and basic toilet.  There’s not a grain of ceramic to be seen spoiling the immaculately mottled surface of this cheap plastic.  No frills, no gilt edging, and no rinse and spin cycles – just plain ol’ John.  It’s a slightly disappointing bog (ask any Briton).  There are no stains, no cracks, no pipes hanging off and no hint of a nasty niff, so it wasn’t an especially satisfactory experience (don’t worry – I have plenty in my garbage collection to put that right…).  My Sim ‘did the deed’ and was happy enough, but then I saw her do something that has made The Sims 4 LITERALLY UNPLAYABLE!!!!

She reached for the flush on the LEFT, but there’s a problem:  the flush handle is on the RIGHT!  I was undeniably speechless!

Here is the actual evidence as compiled for our special Crime Report:

Cyclonesue: ‘attention-seeking for the sake of it’

Now, some of you might think I’m making drama where there is none in an attention-seeking way, or that I might be shamelessly plugging MY toilets (never!).  The truth be told, this whole flush-fail has left me feeling a little traumatised.  TRAUMATISED!!!  How can I be accused of attention-seeking when you can see for yourself what is happening to “The John”?!

Simply put, my Sims don’t seem to know how to flush this useless plastic toilet!

I know they’re not flushing it because I’ve tried it myself at home.  Don’t you try it at home because it might lead to injury, and then I’ll have to carp “have you had an accident that wasn’t your MY fault?” while trying to peddle over-priced, over-promising and unnecessary legal action for any toilet injuries you sustained.  So, let me try it while you sit back and watch.

In my house, my toilet’s flush is also on the right side of the cistern, and no matter how extremely I wave my hand at the LEFT of the cistern, the only thing likely to happen is an unpleasant accident with a toilet brush.  It is NOT possible to crank a flush from the opposite side of the cistern (no, don’t use your elbows – that’s cheating).  So, I’m in a dilemma now.  The John is not permitted to be in my game any longer (no matter how many Sims think they’re flushing it, they’re not – and you can think again if you expect me to unclog it afterwards).

Don’t say I never give you anything…

I know I need to put my toilets where my mouth is, so I uploaded some properly disgusting loos for you (you’re welcome). And if EA can put the flush on the wrong side, that gives me artistic license to twist mine around completely!  You think I won’t?!  Back in a bit…